This was my first big RPG illustrations contract and I had a big anxiety attack while working on the illustrations and I nearly withdrew from the project, but Kabuki Kaiser was understanding and supportive and I was able to finish my illustrations! It was a big step for me in learning to manage my anxiety, I am glad that I did it. A bit thanks to Kabuki for his support, I learned a lot with this project!
This may seem silly but tonight while walking home I looked at my shadow and I thought "hey this is me, I am really a woman now..."
I had my meeting with my editors tonight. Going there was pretty intense. I was unsure about my makeup and my dress was too light, the wind blew heavily and messed really badly my hairs. All this combined made me super anxious and I started thinking that I was not passing, and once I started doubting myself I started panicking knowing that being self confident is what really make us pass or not. I nearly cried and I was really tempted to walk back home.
But I did not, I walked to the bar and I used the bathroom as a refuge. I tried to arrange my hairs but they were too tangled, I was really uncertain of what I looked like. My editors arrived and texted me. I took a deep breath and I joined them. I told them I was not feeling super well and I explained why. After a few minutes we started talking comic books and the meeting went very well. :)
I am glad that I stood by myself.
While walking home I was pretty emotional and when I saw my shadow I strongly felt who I am now.
I am super determined now to go to Expozine and to exist as a woman and a comic book author.